i jhust puked up my retainher.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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