you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
