Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
