Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
