You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
