I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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