you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
