That's when you crack a 10am beer
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
