maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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