i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
