Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
