I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
