party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
