dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
