Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
