I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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