someone get that fucking seahorse.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
