she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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