but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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