The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
