buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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