No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Text me some of your sweat
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize