Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
