I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
