First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
