You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
