Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
