How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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