i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I wish there were birth control emojis
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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