Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
