i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
