At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
