listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
