I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
