my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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