Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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