ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
