I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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