just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
