Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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