you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
