I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
