Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
