Have you finally orgasmed yet?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
