An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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