So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
please come you make the beer taste better
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
