I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You have to summon your inner elephant
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
