i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
