I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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