There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
