Don't make out with my wife yet
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
