It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
