Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
