ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
