$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
