so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
