he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
