??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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