I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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