Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
These tits shall not be calmed
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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