I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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