these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
