Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
