Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize