I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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