DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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