Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
