In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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