Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
